


Loneliness and Alcohol

by XavierLensherr



Series: Dreaming Out Loud [1]
Category: X-Men, X-Men First Class - Fandom
Genre: Dark, Dark!Charles, Gen, Mental Asylum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 14:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1513469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XavierLensherr/pseuds/XavierLensherr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles discovers his telepathy. His mother thinks he's insane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**  
**

_First come the headaches, the ones aspirin can’t solve._

_Next come the nosebleeds, the ones he always has to hide._

_Finally come the voices, pounding in his mind._

_***_

Charles pushed his sleeve to his nose in an attempt to stop the small flow of blood coming from it. The fact that his head was pounding didn’t help either.

“Fuck, not another nosebleed. Why am I getting these? Whatever it is I must not let mother see, she’ll only worry. And I mustn’t make her worry, not that father…” He stoped himself. Even though that Brian Xavier, Charles father had died a little over two years ago. He still couldn’t bring himself to believe that his father was really gone.

“Charles? Charles?”

He heard his mother calling from the mansion, dinner was probably ready. He made his way up to the mansion and made a mental note to wash his face and change his shirt before he joined his mother for dinner. He didn’t want his mother to worry after all.

A week later Charles finds a girl in his kitchen scavenging for food. Her name is Raven.

Three weeks later his mother tells him she’s going to marry Mr Kurt Marko. He doesn’t know what to think.

A month later Charles hears his mother thoughts for the first time. He thinks he’s going to be sick.

_Kurtsexsexsexbrianwouldntmindbriansdeadwhataboutcharlesmyboycharlessexsexsexsexkurtsexsex_

Charles hears everyone now. From the cooks plans for what’s for dinner to his mother adulterous thoughts about Kurt. Only Raven brings him peace, her thoughts aren’t loud like his mother’s and Cain’s. But instead soft and gentle, like a bubbling brook. Her presence can always clam Charles when he’s upset from when Charles hears something he shouldn’t.

“Raven, I don’t want to hear them anymore. They’re so loud!”

She grabs his shaking hands and places her forehead on his. Charles closes his eyes and sighs, still shaking.

“Remember that day you found me in the kitchen? You accepted my mutation. You helped me. It’s now my turn to help you. Remember how we practised to block them out? Remember the walls you put up?”

Charles takes a deep breath. He stops shaking, a small trickle of blood has started to flow from his nose.

“Better?”

He nods, “Better”, he agrees.

“Here wipe your nose, before your mother sees.”

He doesn’t know what he would do without Raven. So when she unexpectedly leaves three weeks later, Charles loses it.

* * *

 

He runs into his mother’s bedroom tears rolling down his cheek, blood tricking down from his nose into his mouth.

“Just Stop! Will you stop saying all those things about Mr Marko!”

She stares at him in shock _Ohmygodhowdoesheknowwhatswrongwithhimisthatblood!?!?!_ rolls off Sharon Xavier like waves.

“Just stop!” Screams Charles, he passes out on to the floor from exhaustion. The blood trickles into the carpet. Sharon screams for Kurt. And the doctors arrive to take Charles away the next day.

***

_His mother would never understand._

_All packed and ready to go._

_Shipped off far away, to the place with white walls._

_Where the voices shout of fear and pain._

_Where he slowly starts to fade away._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this fic Raven is older than Charles. Charles is about 12-13, while Raven is 15-16. So it's Raven turn to look after Charles most of the time in this.


	2. Chapter 2

_First come the pills, in a little paper cup._

_Next come the volts, into his head._

_Walls come down, one at a time._

_He slowly starts to lose his mind._

***

When Charles wakes, his mother is crying. The tears roll down her cheeks while she stokes his hair. _Mybabycharlesdowhatamigoingtodohescrazyheshearingthingsohgodwhatdididotoeseverthis_

Charles winces at his mother’s pain. He knows she’s sending him away. He can hear the voices talking about it. Oh, how he wish they would stop. He wishes for a lot of things. He wishes Raven would come home, he wishes Cain didn’t beat him up, he wishes his mother would understand, he wishes his father wasn’t dead. But Charles leant long ago that wishes don’t come true.

***

He’s got a new routine now. Wake up, get dressed, have breakfast, take his pills, talk with the doctors, have lunch, go to the commons room, have dinner, take the rest of his pills, have a shower, go to bed.

It’s not too bad. Cain doesn’t beat him up. He doesn’t hear his mother’s disturbing thoughts. The nurses are kind. The doctors are thoughtful.

They ask him questions. He tries his best to answer them, but the voices shout of pain and fear. And he just wants them to stop.

They try electrotherapy. They say it’s going to help. They say it won’t hurt. They lie. Charles hears the voices all time now, stronger than ever. His nose bleeds all the time now too, he doesn’t notice. He doesn’t care. His mother sometimes visits, he can hear her.

_Mybabycharlesdowhatamigoingtodohescrazyheshearingthingsohgodwhatdididotoeseverthis_

He starts to scream. “Just stop! Stop saying all those things. My head it hurts so much!”

She begins to cry.

_Mybabycharlesdowhatamigoingtodohescrazyheshearingthingsohgodwhatdididotoeseverthis_

“I said stop! Just stop!”

The doctors carry him out of the room screaming. Silent tears fall down Sharon Xavier’s face.

They increase the voltage of his electrotherapy. He can hear everything. He screams for it to stop. He screams at the voices in his head. He feels the prick of something sharp against his skin, it all goes black.

* * *

 

He dreams of a girl with blue skin. She’s standing in a kitchen, she smiles. Something tells him, he should know her. But he doesn’t. He knows no one, he just knows the voices.

* * *

 

A letter come for Charles, but he never reads it. His mother doesn’t visit him anymore. He doesn’t remember his mother. All he knows is pain and fear. And the girl with the blue skin that visits in his dreams.

They have to drag him down the hallways now. He screams, he doesn’t want to hear the voices anymore. They promise him it will all be okay, but it’s never okay.

***

_He starts to see._

_He starts to scream._

_But the voices are always there._

_He can’t tell what’s real and what’s a dream._


	3. Chapter 3

_Years slowly trickle past, till there’s stubble on his face._

_But the voices still they stay, to haunt him another day._

_The nurses try to look away, he can hear their pity too._

_For a boy named Charles._

_But Charles is dead, he died some ten years ago._

***

He shuffles his feet down the hallways. He can’t remember his life from before them. He can’t remember lots of things. He can’t remember how old he is. He can’t even remember his own name. He can only remember the voices. They don’t scream much now, not as much as they used to anyway. Instead he hears whispers of pity. Pity for a boy named Charles, but who Charles is he doesn’t know.

Sometimes he wonders, if Charles used to be him.

* * *

 

He still dreams sometimes. He dreams of a blue skinned girl. He chases her through fields of poppies. Their colour vibrant like fresh blood. She cradles his head in her arms and tells him it’s going to be okay. He wants to believe her, but how can he.

* * *

 

The doctors drag him down the hall. Where they strap him to a table and tell him it’s going to be okay. He doesn’t scream anymore. He _can’t_ scream anymore. He closes his eyes and waits for the pain of a million voices crying out to him, but nothing comes. For the first in his life that he can remember there’s silence. No voices screaming of pain or pity.

He feels strong arms wrap around him. He dares not open his eyes, he doesn’t what this dream to end.

“Fuck. What did they do to him?” he hears someone say.

“Oh my God! Charles!” he hears a second voice say, the voice is somehow familiar. From a long forgotten dream.

He breaths in, the sweet scent of coffee and copper fills his nostrils. He feels a prick against his skin. Slowly he slips into the darkness, wanting this dream to never end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay! Erik is finally here!


	4. Chapter 4

_Tell me of the world you’re leaving._

_Why you’re swinging like a wrecking ball._

_Burry all you’re love in secrets._

_And loneliness in alcohol._ – _Jars of Clay_

***

He wakes to stiff limbs and a groggy mind. He stares at the celling, he watches the ceiling fan go around and around. The smell of disinfected is gone. He looks at his wrist, the plastic band which kept him in the empty hallways is gone. He looks to his side, the blue skinned girl is sitting next him. Holding his hand, stroking his hair. Her mind is like a soft bubbling brook, washing over him.

“Where am I?” he asks, his voice is croaky and dry from years of disuse.

“Somewhere safe,” she answers.

He pauses. “What’s my name?”

She grimaces, she’s not prepared for this. She not prepared that her brother has died, leaving a stranger in his wake.

“Charles. Your name is Charles.”

“What’s yours?”

“Raven,” she smiles but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

He pauses again. “Is this a dream?”

“No.” She grabs his trembling hand and holds it to her cheek, “No Charles, I’m real and I’m not going anywhere.”

Tears pool in her eyes, threating to spill. She leans over and kisses his forehead.

For the first time in ten years Charles sleeps peacefully.

* * *

 

_Epilogue_

He walks around the mansion barefooted, feet just showing from under his pants. Raven says this is where he grew up. He can’t remember though.

There’s only three of them here now. Charles, Raven and the other man whose name is Erik.

Erik is tall and dark. His voice has a hint of a German accent to it. The skin on his arm is tattooed with numbers and Charles guesses that Erik has seen his own share of horrors.

That’s why Charles thinks he’s drawn to him. Most nights after dinner they take up a game of chess in what used to be Brian Xavier’s old study. Erik slowly teaches the game of strategy to Charles.

Sometimes Erik leaves and doesn’t come back for days.

Sometimes Charles can’t tell what real and what’s a dream.

Sometimes Charles finds Raven sobbing over old photo albums in the library.

Sometimes life is hard, but they make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could be continue as a series (who knows). Feedback is greatly appreciated! :)


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